No One Understands
by Grissom
Summary: Scully watches Mulder as he sleeps. She turns her thoughts to the past and their journey together. Companion piece to "Only Her"


Title: No One Understands

Characters: Scully, D

Rating: PG

Genre: Angst, Romance

Summary: Scully watches Mulder as he sleeps. She turns her thoughts to the past and their journey together.

A/N: These stories were previously published under an old, forgotten penname. Since I'm on an X-Files kick, I decided to resuscitate them. Companion to "Only Her"

It's dark now. Seems like after years of being drug into it, I wouldn't feel the little pangs of fear. But, I believe, those little escapades have just added to the childhood fear of the dark. Now I know, monsters are real. They do haunt the dark corners and wait for an unsuspecting victim. There is much more to the world than my scientific teaching would allow me to know. But during my assignment to the X-Files, with Mulder, I've learned so much.

I turn to look at him now. He's sleeping peacefully, for the first time in ages. Even though we are on the run, he doesn't seem too worried. If they, whoever they are, wanted to kill us, we'd be long dead. They're letting us live, he says. That or they have more important things to worry about.

I smile at him, running my hand down his face, the face I loved long before I even realized it. For years, he'd been my partner and nothing more. Then one day, I can't say when, something just clicked and everything changed. Things fell into place and for the first time in my life, I felt complete. That feeling was only magnified with the birth of our son, William. Though his conception is something I can't explain, it was a miracle by my beliefs.

But he's gone now. Gone somewhere where he can't be found by those who wish him harm. To where his existence will be normal. Mulder says we can find him, and Skinner backs up his beliefs. I, however, don't think it will be that easy. He was given up for adoption. He's part of some one's family now. I'd hate to rip that away from them just so I can complete my family.

I shake my head at the thought. My family will never be complete without my son, no matter how hard I try. He was so much a part of me. And Mulder. William was the thing I held onto when all was lost. William gave me hope. William helped me get through it all.

Don't I deserve him? After all I had been through, me and Mulder, didn't we deserve some happiness in our lives? After all we'd lost, couldn't we have something precious that wouldn't be taken from us? Mulder tries to hide how much it hurts him not to have his son. But I see it. You can't spend nine years with a man and not get to know what he's thinking.

I turn to gaze at him again. His chest rises and falls gently with each breath he takes. His rest is peaceful, not interrupted by the nightmares and visions that have plagued him for past weeks.

He'd never been understood. Not by his peers at the FBI, or those who were sent to work with him. I hadn't understood him for the longest time, but slowly an understanding had developed. He was on a mission. A mission to find the truth and expose it so that the world would know what was going on and what would happen. It wasn't just for his sister, Samantha. It was so much more. How could he or she even explain why he did what he did? Most just laughed at him. Called him 'Spooky' behind his back. They didn't even look for the truth. They didn't look any farther that they were told. Mulder had the courage to challenge authorities and look for the hidden, unknown, or covered up. But no one had ever understood him. No one gave him a chance.

I hadn't given him a chance at first as well. I was sent to debunk his work. Close down the X-Files. But I'd been pulled in as well. I joined Mulder's search for the truth. How could I not, having seen the things I had? I also have a date. December 22, 2012. It's burnt into my mind. Mulder plans to find a way to delay the event set for that date. I will help him as much as I can, and then some. I would die for him, just as he would for me.

I smile at myself. It is just strange. Strange how the man you always thought of as only a friend can quickly become the only man you can see yourself loving. How could I not love him? After all we've been through together, all he's done for me. I believe that he realized the truth about us long before I did. He must have realized it years ago. I remember it now. In the hospital after we pulled him from the ocean. He said I love you. Like an ignorant fool, I pushed it aside as simple delirium. But the look in his eyes when he said it would follow me forever. The honesty, the hope, the love. I'd never seen him look like that before. But I saw it more and more as our final years in the FBI passed.

He'll never know the extent of the pain I experienced when we thought he was dead. Pain beyond pain. Far worse than when my father died. Far worse than when Melissa died. It's left a scar in my heart. One that only ceases to ache when he is close to me. When I can reach over and touch him. I do that often now. Just reach over and grab his hand at random moments, as if to reassure myself that he is in fact real and not a dream. He does the same thing, he just doesn't realize it. He does it in his sleep. His breathing will become erratic as the nightmares begin. But when he reaches over to touch me, the nightmares go away, and he sleeps soundly.

Just then, the object of my thoughts turns over and mumbles in his sleep. The nightmares have begun. What he sees, I don't know. Nor will he tell me when I ask. He simply gets a distant look in his eyes for a few moments. Then he'll snap out of it like nothing ever happened.

Wanting to prevent his pain, I get up from the chair I was sitting in and lie down next to him. I snuggle next to him and lay my head against his chest. Gradually, his breathing slows, and he is content again. He throws his arms around me possessively, as if he will never let go. I hope he won't. I know he won't.


End file.
